I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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