Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
