I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
