Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
