garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Use "feeling words"
Yay
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
