if only i could text you this smell
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
