I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it hurts more in the daytime
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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