look no pants
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
