Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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