Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
