I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
