You're my little dorito
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
