we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
