I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
