I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
