Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
