What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
