Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
