He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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