All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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