On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
