I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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