Dual....:-)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
