3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
