did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
