I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
