When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
