Fine. I'll sleep in my office
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
