just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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