I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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