I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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