Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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