I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
