you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
