i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What a dumb baby whore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
