So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
