Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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