I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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