I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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