Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
