The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
