Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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