I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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