Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
