why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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