Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
