Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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