He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
