i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
