I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
