So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
