i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
