WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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