Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
