Yo dont text me then not text me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
