they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
