He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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